Oscars 2017: Jimmy Kimmel's top 10 zingers

By Briony Smith, FLARE

It’s the biggest award ceremony of them all—the Oscars! Here are all the best moments from the show, from Jimmy Kimmel’s killer opening monologue and best jokes to the most heart-tugging speeches.

Jimmy Kimmel’s Top 10 Jokes:

“Hollywood is actually very welcoming to outsiders. We don’t discriminate based on what country people come from. We discriminate based on age and weight.”

Manchester by the Sea was produced by Amazon. If you were to buy it online, you’d get the notice ‘customers who bought this item also purchased Zoloft.’”

“It’s important we take a second to appreciate what is happening here. Some of you get to come up here and give a speech that the president will tweet about during his 5am bowel movement tomorrow.”

“If every person watching this show took a minute to reach out to one person, you disagree with, that you like, not as liberals or conservatives, but as Americans, we could make America great again, it starts with us. I want to start. When I first met Matt Damon, I was the fat one. We’ve had problems. He’s a selfish person; those of you who have worked with him know that. But he has changed: he could’ve taken the lead part in Manchester by the Sea for himself, but he gave that role to Casey Affleck, his childhood friend. And made a Chinese ponytail movie instead. That went on to lose $80 million.”


Jimmy made sure to take some stabs at his frenemy Matt Damon.

“First up is the supporting actor category. That’s what most actors’ parents are doing: supporting actors.”

“I don’t know if anyone is going to be able to give a speech after that. Everyone was crying. Violas Davis already nominated for an Emmy for that speech.”

“[on La La Land mistakenly being announced as Best Picture winner] I blame Steve Harvey for this. I’d like to see you get an Oscar anyway. I wish we could give out a whole bunch of ’em!”

“We’re two hours into the show and Donald Trump hasn’t tweeted at us once and I am starting to get worried about him.”

“[to Lin-Manuel Miranda] It’s nice being able to see you in a theatre without paying $10,000.”

"Of all the great actors here in Hollywood, one in particular has stood the test of time for her many uninspiring and overrated performances .. Meryl Streep has phoned it in for more than 50 films over the course of her lacklustre career."

HELLO! Canada magazine is available for your tablet and smartphone. Get HELLO! Canada, PEOPLE, Vanity Fair and over 100 more of the world’s best magazines for one low monthly price at Texture by Next Issue. CLICK HERE to sign up for a free trial.