The moment I got engaged, it started. “How’s the wedding planning going?” people would ask me, in a tone that sounded more like they were asking “How’s that hideous growth on your back doing?” I couldn’t understand why people saw planning a wedding as such a heinous task. Then I started planning mine.
Let me begin by saying I love my mother and my mother loves me. Like, a lot. My mother loves me SO much, she calls 3 times a day, sends gifts for my half-birthdays and will definitely post this article on her bulletin board dedicated solely to my achievements.
My mom planned my older sister’s gorgeous Vancouver wedding but was always resigned to the fact that her pasty, ginger daughter would never be a bride. So when I got engaged, her head almost exploded. She cheered, she cried, she immediately started planning my wedding. Venue appointments were set, wedding planner’s were met and three calls a day turned into THIS:
It got to a point where, frankly, I wasn’t sure whose wedding we were planning, mine or my mother’s. So, for all you future brides out there, here are some techniques I’ve perfected to help you cope with your Mother of the Bridezilla.
GIVE HER A SUGGESTION INBOX
Two months ago, my mother discovered Pinterest. The world was never the same. She started calling with every single ‘Pin’ she came upon. “Why don’t you have people blow bubbles when you walk down the aisle!?” (For real.) “Why don’t you have colouring books and crayons at all the tables!?” (I’m serious.) “What if we hire an acting troupe to act out your relationship!!” (I’m uncomfortable just typing that).
Don’t get me wrong, I deeply appreciate the enthusiasm, but how do you tell your mom that her ideas are better suited to a children’s birthday party than your wedding? You email it. Instead of trying to frantically field the phone calls, I calmly asked my mom to start emailing me with her ideas. That way, I could look at them on my own time and I could write back with a kind and thoughtful “Mom! Great idea but…” no feelings hurt, bubbles blown or theatre troupes hired.
GIVE HER AN ASSIGNMENT
When planning your wedding, you’ll quickly realize there are some things you are good at (making playlists, tasting cakes) and some things you are terrible at (making spreadsheets, licking envelopes). Those are the things you’ll want to assign to your mother.
My mom was thrilled to be given specific tasks that were her sole responsibility. She executed them to perfection, while giving me space to handle the projects I preferred to tackle on my own.
GIVE HER SOME LOVE
When you are overwhelmed by the stress of planning a wedding, it’s easy to forget the reason you’re planning a wedding in the first place. To celebrate your love, with your loved ones. There are few people on earth I love as much as I love my mom. She is my role model, my hero, my shining example of a strong, successful woman. At the end of the day, that matters a whole lot more to me than the font on the invitations, the napkins on the tables or the icing on the cake.
So as you plan your wedding, don’t forget to take a moment to step back and thank your mom, as I take this moment to thank mine. Thank you, mom, for making me the person that I am today. Thank you for the love, the excitement, for the suggestions and the support.
But we’re still not having colouring books.